..........

wondering where i am leading myself to,

yet again i yearn for the light,

to nowhere it seems

the spiral maze of life

crying....

why do i feel like this one will take me up to a year to repair the wounds, to salvage the little pieces of me left....i feel like someone took a shotgun and blasted my old wound open and dug out new ones too...

focus and move on.

let's see.

sad, devastated, hurt, disappointed, emotionally torn and struggling.

time to re-assess my priorities.

is it a sign to do something else? mmmmm....

where shall i devote my energy to.

happy v day?

though i know you will never get to see this blog.

having you is more lonely than ever being alone.




happy valentine's day,

wondering....wondering....

I wonder,

do i look like i have a little dark cloud over me most of the time ever since you knew me?

like i really think so?

like life made a mockery of me and kept throwing challenges at me,

to test how far i would go,

and in the end,

i am always in this emo-y mood and look "fine". not a shred of happiness.

maybe that's how i became emotionally sensitive too?

is this the case??

can someone tell me the answer please??

SicK. Bah.

looks like finally it's my turn to get the flu, cough and sore throat combo!!

everyone in the office and family is being sick nowadays...want to siam also hard !!=.=

i so wanted to avoid it so that i can be well for V day,

and not be a sick headless chicken.

somehow, i have a premonition this flu is the same as the one i got before i go BMT?

i hear light wheezing...pray hard it's not some lung infection. GAWD.

i want to get my BMT over and done can? =.=

or is it a sign from the higher Ones that it is not meant to be.....

Hmmmm......

letting go.

after such a long while,

maybe i know what i am supposed to do now,


jie, i know i been emo-ing for a while now..but

i am really appreciating that you have been standing by my side...

words sometimes are never enough,

but just the affirming presence suffices.

i know what i need to do now...

and maybe i will need my sisterhood to pull that 1st step for me.

too many things linger in my phone

but unwilling i am to press that "delete" button

for i am tormented and gutted

will you help me?

a sham of lies....

I am feeling fine,

i am feeling fine!

i am feeling fine....

i am feeling fine??

am i....feeling fine???

a quiet night..

It's 1 am now...

tired but still unwilling to sleep..

she's not back home yet....worried about her....

wonder how silly i am...why stay up just for her every night....

it's a quiet night without her around...

hope she'll be back soon...

AhhHHhh~

It's 1am!! and i still can't think what to wear!!

my first time xmas gathering with gift exchange!! (yes yes, call me mountain tortoise =.=)

and dinner at restaurant too!! (last time student, budget at coffeeshop can~)

keke. oh wells. hope i have something in mind tml.

or maybe this shows i need new wardrobe of clothes and shoes? =D

what a day?

going out with friends meant to cheer me up a little,

dragged myself out of house after a while,

worn bright chirpy colours!! pink and blue!!

still, my heart wasn't there

the longer i walked, the more out of place i am

where am i?

i really don't know.

it's a shallow bodycast roaming the streets of bugis

noise, people, laughter

all i could hear was echoes,

as though they belong to a background far away

hope things will be better on christmas eve. prays*

or maybe i will run away back home again.

argh

someone please lock me away in an asylum.

i am going crazy every day.

at this rate, i wonder what kind of mood will i have for Christmas dinner.

sigh...

it's official

we broke up....


this one will really take me damn long to recover..

i tried really hard this time...

i believed in her...

i gave my all...

ouch, my pain.

why does my heart feel so heavy, when my exams are over?!

i am supposed to be happy, dancing and yelling and celebrating!

yet muted and defeated, i walked home silently,

my bag, my solace.

the world is quiet around me.

i hear only my own singings, my whisperings....

i tell myself of all that happened today,

i laughed at myself,

why does this hurt so bad.

i feel an emptiness ringing for miles and miles away.